I am seriously struggling with life right now. I know that part of it is because I am still working the job that is not a fit for me anymore. I have a few more days there and I can’t stop using my coping mechanism of eating to get me through the last days. I know that this is just a temporary fix for something that developed years ago, but I don’t know what else to do to make the misery go away. It’s a cycle of overeating, feeling guilty, feeling crappy, and doing it all over again the next day. I’m exhausted.
When I am completely exhausted, I look for inspiration wherever I can get it. I found it in an audiobook that I listen to on my way to work. It’s by Brianna Wiest, The Mountain is You. This is such a great book if you are interested in learning about self-sabotage. In the book she talks about emotional intelligence and it got me curious, very curious. That curiosity led me to another audiobook that is about Emotional Intelligence. I found Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ, by author Daniel Goleman, PhD. I am hoping that this book will help give me insight as to why I use maladaptive coping mechanisms, but also show me how to change those habits to something more conducive to living a great life.
Over the course of several years, I have learned to cope with difficult emotions by covering them up with food. I recently had a thought that we don’t get over emotions, we get through them. At first, I thought this was a depressing thought, but the more I unpacked that idea I realized that is what emotional intelligence (EI) does. It helps us get through the difficult emotions instead of c(over)ing them up with food, spending, alcohol, or whatever people use to numb themselves. So, the only way over is actually through.
So, how do I get through my emotional inadequacies? For starters, I need to recognize that I live life like a child wanting what I want when I want it. Or, eating what I want to eat when I want to eat it. And even, buy what I want to buy when I want to buy it. This is how a child operates. Adults use more self-control and discipline. Even having self-control and discipline doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with emotions. They are neither good nor bad, only how we label them. Emotions are not supposed to control you, make you run in the other direction, or stuff your face with crazy bread (true story). They are meant to help you process life, even the ones that we label as negative. Anger, for instance, is not necessarily a bad thing. It could be a signal that something needs to change (it could be you or it could be the situation). It could also be that you are supposed to learn from your anger. Why does something or someone make you angry? Did you learn it from someone else? Are you taking on someone else’s anger? Anger (and any other emotion) is different for everyone. For me, I get angry or frustrated at work. That doesn’t mean I should freak out, it may just be an insight that I’m in the wrong job or maybe I need to work on patience. Hint: I am in the wrong job, I do recognize my need to work on patience, but that will have to be another blog post.
The best I can do right now to start improving my life is to learn about emotional intelligence. I want to learn how to use emotional intelligence to reign in my inner child so that I can function as an adult. Developing my EI will help me get up on the weekends and clean my house instead of sleeping until noon. I am actually looking forward to this. I’ve already started improving my life by leaving my current job and EI can only increase the benefits of living my best life by showing me the best adulthood has to offer.
~ Blessings, Janet
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