Welcome to The Looking Glass, a blog that reflects on ideas that contribute to a happier and healthier life. A life that you don’t have to drag yourself through because you are so completely miserable. Well, maybe you aren’t miserable, but you feel that something is missing, that final piece of the puzzle that just might complete the picture for you.
For me, I am at a point in my life where I think that there has got to be more to life than working a job that is not fulfilling, using food and spending as coping mechanisms, and basically numbing myself to life instead of living it. I want to contribute something positive to this world and not just get by with an 8-5 job that is slowly crushing my soul. I want to find something that when I do it, I know that I am where I’m meant to be.
I have tried making small changes in the past, but ended up self-sabotaging my efforts because, at my core, I am very unhappy about many areas of my life and keep turning to my stand-by coping mechanisms of food and spending. I would eat better for a day or two and then life would happen and I would soothe myself with food or shopping (and sometimes both).
I spend many hours shopping online or in stores looking for that something that will change my life forever. For example, I always thought if I could find the perfect tumbler for drinking water it would change my life and I would drink more water everyday. It didn’t change my life and now I have a very large collection of tumblers. I also have an extensive supply of lip balms, hair products, face products, makeup, and other things. And, I beat myself up almost everyday because I want to control my spending. Apparently, as it turns out, it’s my spending that controls me (cue the dramatic music).
Sometimes we tell ourselves that ‘when’ something happens, we will finally be happy. When we get the job, lose the weight, get that house, get the promotion, get the water tumbler, then we will be happy. I call it the when/then fallacy. There may be times where when/then fulfills its promise, but it usually doesn’t last and leads us to another when/then. I was happy when I got that tumbler, but then I saw a new tumbler that is even better or just different than the one I currently have. Happiness is fleeting when we only attach it to obtaining something. Instead why not be happy now, before we get what we want? Now that is something, isn’t it? Be happy now!
I’m not saying we shouldn’t want things. Wanting a house, or a promotion, or losing weight are all worthy endeavors, but too many of us put our lives on hold until we get those things. We don’t think we are deserving until ‘when’ happens. I only say this because I am one of those people. I don’t have my dream job, my house is a mess, I’m overweight, but…I’ll be happy when I get the dream job, my house is orderly, and I’ve lost the weight. Thinking this way only makes me miserable in the present because I constantly remind myself that I don’t have these things. Just because I don’t have what I want doesn’t make life less meaningful. My messy house just means I’m spending time with my family doing other things that don’t involve cleaning the house. I’m hanging out at my mom’s house with her and my daughter watching football. I’m attending a hockey game with my daughter. Aren’t these better than having a perfectly clean house?
My goal is ultimately to be content where I’m at with what I have. That doesn’t mean I won’t strive for things. I still want to lose weight and have an orderly house, but I’m not going to wait for ‘when’ to start living my life. As the quote from Vince Flynn goes, “If you’re not busy living, you’re dying.” Honestly, I have no idea who Vince Flynn is, but he’s not wrong.
~ Blessings, Janet
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